Sporty, adventurous, prepared. Whenever you come across a pair of ski goggles hangin’ from somebody’s rearview you can safely assume that:
a) This person goes up the mountain so often he doesn’t even have time to take his gear out of his car.
b) This guy anticipates driving in such blindingly bright and insanely snowy conditions that it would be dangerous for him not to have ski goggles on at all times.
Both of those scenarios are pretty cool.
Anytime you get on an escalator, you’ve got two choices: either you lean to the side and just enjoy the ride or you frantically run up it like a spaz. It’s pretty obvious which choice a cool person must make.
Granted, if you’re cool you’ve probably got places to be and appointments to keep. Think of the escalator ride as your little oasis amid the madness of your day. Bust a lean and reflect on all the cool things you’ve done today and all the cool things you’re about to do. Catch your breath, read an ad on the wall, invent a backstory for the couple in front of you.
Look, if you madly sprint up or down the escalator, you’re going to get sweaty. Cool people don’t sweat.
Foreign money looks pretty but it’s pretty useless when it just sits around in your desk drawer back home.
It’s called the Cash Game and everyone plays it on the last day of their trip. The object of the game, quite simply, is to spend every last baht before getting on the plane. There are two ways to lose: #1. Under-budgeting, forcing you to make one last stupid trip to the stupid ATM on the Khao San Road so you can afford the stupid cab fare to the airport and #2. Over-budgeting and shamefully having to visit the currency exchange kiosk and getting jammed on the rate. Don’t let this happen to you. Spend wisely.
* Remember to save enough coins in your money belt for at least ten minutes in one of those airport massage chairs. You’ll be glad you did.
Going up the stairs is a chore but going down can be an adventure. When choosing the best method to get down to the main floor, ask yourself these three questions: Is it the fastest route? Is it the most fun? Is it the most dangerous? If your answer is “yes” to all three of these questions, you know you’re doing the right thing.
Nothing screams youthful and carefree quite as succinctly as sliding down your mansion’s staircase bannister. It’s like parkour for millionaires.
Remember when you were a kid and you’d race your friend home from school? Unless you knew at least two or three shortcuts along the way, you didn’t stand a chance.
It’s not just about getting places more quickly, it’s also about getting places more sneakily. The true joy of the shortcut, however, comes from revealing it at the last possible second. Whether you’re on a road trip with friends, competing in a gumball rally across the country or running from ghosts in a haunted castle, you’re sure to be a hero when you suddenly yell out, “Guys, we’re going this way. I know a shortcut!”
Look, people will tell you to, “Slow down. Life’s not a race, it’s a marathon.” Those people don’t know any shortcuts.
If you’re on the guest list, it means one of two things: you’re friends with someone important or you’re important yourself.
Being on the guest list is awesome because the very act of checking that you’re on the list is it’s own little emotional roller coaster. Note how your heart leaps into your throat as the doorman flips the page over, back and forth, slowly scanning for your name…. Embrace the adrenaline rush of fear as you start to think that, “Maybe, this time, I’m not on there”.
Feel the explosion of victory as the doorman eventually does find your name and lets you in ahead of the line, confirming irrefutably that you are indeed a cool person and far more important than all those other peasants standing outside.
You can do this in a myriad of ways, from landing your first job interview, to throwing a knockout punch, to acing a cross court serve. Like everything in life, it’s not so much what you do as how you do it. In the case of cool people, they do it in their first go!
Look, what it really comes down to is time management. The fewer interviews you have to go to, the fewer shots you have to take, the fewer strokes you have to execute, the more time you’ll have to do cool things. True, always succeeding on your first try can get a little annoying for your friends but nobody ever said that being cool didn’t come at a price.
Practice makes perfect, but wouldn’t it be better to just skip all that boring practice stuff and jump straight to the perfect?
I wrote this post partially as an excuse to upload this super rad disc golf video that my little brothers showed me.
This little stunt is almost too perfect:
You take your phone, scroll through your contacts and choose your intended target. For the purposes of this example, let’s call him Marco. Ring him up, turn on some ambient background music and put your phone in a sock on the coffee table. When you hear Marco on the line, that’s when it’s time to start weaving your spell. Begin speaking out loud.
“I gotta introduce you to my friend Marco sometime. That guy’s awesome, you’ll love him. I do. He’s hilarious…just a good dude, you know? Actually, you know what the coolest thing about Marco is, is that he….” CLICK.
That’s it. Next time you need someone to help you move, Marco’s your man.
What’s truly cool about the staged pocket call is not only have you managed to manipulate your friend into liking you more, but, even if your friend does find out what you’ve done, even they’ll have to admit that it was a pretty cool little scheme. Brilliant in it’s simplicity.
This is what hobos, backpackers and poolside celebrities have in common.
Napping outside is awesome because: The air you breath is fuller, the smells you take in are lusher, and the sounds that swirl around your ears are crazier and more varied than anything you can find inside. All this leads to crazier dreams, ergo, a more satisfying sleeping experience.
Napping outside is cool because: By allowing yourself to loose consciousness outside, you are effectively declaring to strangers passing by that, “Hey, I know you’re NOT going to rob me,” you are stating to your friends that, “Hey, I’m certain that you guys AREN’T going to draw anything weird on my face or put shaving cream in my hand,” and you are affirming to the sun that, “Hey, I know damn well that you WON’T change positions and burn me while I sleep!” It is the ultimate expression confidence and trust, and that’s pretty cool.
Watching these reminds me that traveling is all I really ever want to spend my money on. Cool videos made by Rick Mereki.
If I walk past you and I catch a whiff of suntan lotion, I will automatically assume the following:
You had the day off. You’ve spent most of it outside. You were probably at the beach. You were surrounded all day by beautiful people frolicking in their bathing suits while gazing out towards a picturesque ocean horizon. At some point, a bikini model (or fireman, depending on your preference) probably came up to you and asked if you’d join their volleyball team for the tournament that afternoon, they needed a fifth. Inspired by their new player, your volleyball team thundered all the way to the final against the evil Lifeguards. Everyone at the beach came over to watch and cheer as you gloriously dug, set and spiked your way to victory!!! Giddy on the high of triumph, the bikini model/fireman asked if “Maybe you want to hang out some time?”. You calmly said, “I’ll see what I can do.”
Suntan lotion: It’s the scent that tells the story.
Made by Fog and Smog. Shown to me by Seamus. Everyone’s seen this already, but it doesn’t make it any less rad.
There is no finer way to watch a drive-in movie than sitting on a plush chesterfield in the back of a pickup truck. You want your rig to be the heart of the bush party? Why not toss a sofa in your Sonoma. At the pre-game tailgate, nothing says “opulence” quite like cooking bratwurst from the comfort of a loveseat.
Look, if you have a pickup, you’re already one step closer to being a redneck. Time to embrace your true self and start moving your whole living room out there.
Whether it’s up against a graffitied wall, a lamp poll or a hitching post, nothing says “just hanging out” like a good lean.
A well executed lean is the coolster’s way of telling the world that, “Hey, I spend most of my day doing cool things with other cool people but, if it’s alright with everyone, I’m just going to take a break right now”. The quintessential expression of standing casual.
Imagine this: The Villa party is in full swing. Three people have already wound up in the pool in their clothes. Suddenly the DJ’s set is drowned out by the rhythmical “thumpa, thumpa, thumpa” of an approaching whirlybird, the crowd turns to watch it touch down in the open field next to the guest house and the snake-skin boot wearing passenger steps out of the cockpit and onto the lawn. Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you make an entrance.
No longer just for cocaine barons and paramedics, the helicopter truly is the most badass way to arrive at places, having narrowly beat out arriving by hovercraft or by elephant convoy in this year’s poll.
Here’s a story:
My buddy, Simon, posted an ad in the free section on craigslist that went, “Giving away my entire Playboy Magazine collection, (every issue, 1978-present). Getting married and my fiance’s not cool with me having them. She says it’s kind of a dealbreaker. Gonna be with my girl tonight so please text me, no phone calls” At the end of the ad he put his friend’s name and phone number.
He then went and played poker with that same friend and giggled the night away as his buddy received 25 texts within an hour with messages like, “That sucks, man, getting married’s tough. I’ll take your porn”.
Among other things, a good prank can be a classy way to throw someone off their poker game.
Question: How many times have you been at an awards ceremony / graduation / sports event / birthday party / concert when something awesome happens whilst you have a drink in your hands?
Answer: Every single time!!!
An effective one-handed clap is a skill that exists at the very frontier of cool science. Many have attempted but very few people have mastered it, and it is fraught with danger. It is a delicate balance of form and function. You need to be able to create enough sound with only one hand while at the same time not look like you’re having a seizure.
And it’s different for everyone. Some people can generate enough noise by simply slapping their thigh. Others have found “good echo” from the crevasse on the side of their buttock, while still others shuck slapping altogether and resort to the two-finger-whistle (this is cheating and super annoying for those around you).
Whichever way is most effective to you…. find it!!! The one-hand clap is a voodoo art and if you can discover it’s secrets, you’re a step closer to cool.
If you go traveling, this will happen to you: You will miss your bus, lose your passport, be late for your plane, get ripped off at a night market, eat something dodgy and throw up at least once.
You may also: Get lost in the jungle, be pick-pocketed, get bitten by a monkey, or nearly die in a para-sailing accident because over there the safety cable is “optional”.
If this bothers you , your trip will just be a hassle. If you travel calmly, however, these events will become your best stories and they will fill you full of anecdotes and tales to recount for years to come.
P.S.: On my last trip I was tricked into eating dog, had to leap off a dock onto a departing ferry boat, and lost my shoes and had to go barefoot in Cambodia for a day and a half. These three stories are on pretty high rotation right now.
There are two types of people in the world: those with extra beers and those who “bum” beers. Obviously you want to be the former.
Every now and then, you’ll find yourself in need, and that’s ok. You just don’t want to make a habit of it. There’s nothing cooler than being able to say, “You need a beer? Grab one of the Red Racers in the fridge, those are mine”.
Robin Hood, Jesus and Napster were super cool because they shared everything. You should too.
