a) This person goes up the mountain so often he doesn’t even have time to take his gear out of his car.

b) This guy anticipates driving in such blindingly bright and insanely snowy conditions that it would be dangerous for him not to have ski goggles on at all times.

Both of those scenarios are pretty cool.

Granted, if you’re cool you’ve probably got places to be and appointments to keep.  Think of the escalator ride as your little oasis amid the madness of your day.  Bust a lean and reflect on all the cool things you’ve done today and all the cool things you’re about to do.  Catch your breath, read an ad on the wall, invent a backstory for the couple in front of you.

Look, if you madly sprint up or down the escalator, you’re going to get sweaty.  Cool people don’t sweat.

It’s called the Cash Game and everyone plays it on the last day of their trip.  The object of the game, quite simply, is to spend every last baht before getting on the plane.  There are two ways to lose:  #1. Under-budgeting, forcing you to make one last stupid trip to the stupid ATM on the Khao San Road so you can afford the stupid cab fare to the airport and #2. Over-budgeting and shamefully having to visit the currency exchange kiosk and getting jammed on the rate.  Don’t let this happen to you.  Spend wisely.

* Remember to save enough coins in your money belt for at least ten minutes in one of those airport massage chairs.  You’ll be glad you did.

Nothing screams youthful and carefree quite as succinctly as sliding down your mansion’s staircase bannister.  It’s like parkour for millionaires.

It’s not just about getting places more quickly, it’s also about getting places more sneakily.  The true joy of the shortcut, however, comes from revealing it at the last possible second.  Whether you’re on a road trip with friends, competing in a gumball rally  across the country or running from ghosts in a haunted castle, you’re sure to be a hero when you suddenly yell out, “Guys, we’re going this way.  I know a shortcut!”

Look, people will tell you to, “Slow down. Life’s not a race, it’s a marathon.”  Those people don’t know any shortcuts.

Being on the guest list is awesome because the very act of checking that you’re  on the list is it’s own little emotional roller coaster.  Note how your heart leaps into your throat as the doorman flips the page over, back and forth, slowly scanning for your name…. Embrace the adrenaline rush of fear as you start to think that, “Maybe, this time, I’m not on there”.

Feel the explosion of victory as the doorman eventually does find your name and lets you in ahead of the line, confirming irrefutably that you are indeed a cool person and far more important than all those other peasants standing outside.

Look, what it really comes down to is time management.  The fewer interviews you have to go to, the fewer shots you have to take, the fewer strokes you have to execute, the more time you’ll have to do cool things.  True, always succeeding on your first try can get a little annoying for your friends but nobody ever said that being cool didn’t come at a price.

Practice makes perfect, but wouldn’t it be better to just skip all that boring practice stuff and jump straight to the perfect?

I wrote this post partially as an excuse to upload this super rad disc golf video that my little brothers showed me.

You take your phone, scroll through your contacts and choose your intended target.  For the purposes of this example, let’s call him Marco.  Ring him up, turn on some ambient background music and put your phone in a sock on the coffee table.  When you hear Marco on the line, that’s when it’s time to start weaving your spell.  Begin speaking out loud.

“I gotta introduce you to my friend Marco sometime.  That guy’s awesome, you’ll love him.  I do.  He’s hilarious…just a good dude, you know?  Actually, you know what the coolest thing about Marco is, is that he….”  CLICK.

That’s it.  Next time you need someone to help you move, Marco’s your man.

What’s truly cool about the staged pocket call is not only have you managed to manipulate your friend into liking you more, but, even if your friend does find out what you’ve done, even they’ll have to admit that it was a pretty cool little scheme.  Brilliant in it’s simplicity.

Napping outside is awesome because: The air you breath is fuller, the smells you take in are lusher, and the sounds that swirl around your ears are crazier and more varied than anything you can find inside.  All this leads to crazier dreams, ergo, a more satisfying sleeping experience.

Napping outside is cool because: By allowing yourself to loose consciousness outside, you are effectively declaring to strangers passing by that, “Hey, I know you’re NOT going to rob me,” you are stating to your friends that, “Hey, I’m certain that you guys AREN’T going to draw anything weird on my face or put shaving cream in my hand,” and you are affirming to the sun that, “Hey, I know damn well that you WON’T change positions and burn me while I sleep!”  It is the ultimate expression confidence and trust, and that’s pretty cool.