How You Can Be Cool

Whether your van skids over the edge of a snowy mountain cliff (happened to me), you are briefly kidnapped whilst hitchhiking (happened to my mom)  or you’re chased by a grizzly bear across a meadow while tree planting (happened to my old roommate),  tales of cheating death are always the most compelling and therefore, the most cool.

These events shape us not only because they  give us awesome stories to drop at parties, but also because they provide us with a sort of  transcendent religious experience coupled with a super badass adrenaline rush.

There is nothing more exhilarating then staring death square in the face and saying, “No thanks, not today!”

We’re at the summer midpoint and by now everyone should have a pretty good playlist of bumpin’summertime beats.  Having at least one kickass summer album is important because it sonically epitomizes the blissfulness of the season.  It is the Soundtrack to the Sunshine.

What makes this particularly cool is, if after you discover the album, that you share it with your friends.  The gift of music and good-times, a fine gift indeed.  There is no greater feeling then having your buddy roll up to your apartment on his bike, blasting the very music you gave him only the day before out of some crazy speaker contraption he’s set up on his handle bars.

P.S.: In my opinion, the Album of the Summer of 2010 is easily Mos Dub.  I have been playing this non-stop ever since finding it on the London Mewsings blog.  Music to strut to.

Dogs are so sweet.  Loyalty, security and playfulness, all wrapped up in a slobbering bag of fur.

The benefits of owning a dog are countless.  They’re an easy way to meet people, they prove that you can tend to living things, and they take care of any food you spill on the ground.

Small dogs can be cute but big dogs are the raddest.  The general rule of thumb is: The bigger the poop, the cooler the dog.

My cousin and her boyfriend rescued a mangy dog on the beach in Mexico.  He had a limp and only responded to Spanish commands.  They decided to keep him.  Whilst driving back into the States, my cousin’s boyfriend was denied entry (he’s Australian with an Irish passport and a big black beard.  I wouldn’t turn my back on him either) but the dog was fine.  Why?  Because dogs are awesome, that’s why!

Smoking is kind of gross, however, smoking a pipe is kind of awesome.  If you’re a hot chick smoking a pipe, well that’s just straight up badass.

No longer solely the domain of 1950′s sitcom dads or eccentric Victorian Era detectives, pipe smoking has gone through a bit of a revival of late.  It’s classy, composed, and civilized.  When’s it’s smoked by a woman, it goes way beyond “hipster” and into a whole new realm of rad.

Sure, it’s a more involved process, but that sacred ritual of preparing to smoke, crescendoing in the mighty striking of the match, is one part function, one part spectacle and all parts cool.

The Game is Afoot!!!

There are several ways to do this including, but not limited to:  Being a hot chick, wearing a ridiculous costume, having a massive emotional reaction to the game, running onto the field, proposing marriage to someone and/or making out with them, attacking the mascot, being a kid in a hat that’s two sizes too big.  Put any of these in combination and you’re golden.

Your reward is instant stadium celebrity.  If you make it onto the Jumbotron at a major sporting event you need to realize that you have been given a gift.  What you do with that gift, however, is up to you.

Do’s:  Look cool about it, as if you expected to eventually be up there.  Give a head-nod or wink, acknowledging the crowd and thanking the Jumbotron operators for “getting it right” this time.

Don’ts:  Be sitting still and then suddenly go all crazy and manic when you notice you’re up there.  Swivel your head around, while keeping your eyes locked on the big screen in convulsive attempt to locate the camera that’s filming you so you can stare into it directly.  Anxiously grab the friend beside you in attempt to drag them into your madness.

Getting on the Jumbotron is a very polarizing moment.  What you do when you get there will either send you down the path of cool or he path of spaz.  Let’s make good choices out there, sports-fans.