There are two types of people in the world: those with extra beers and those who “bum” beers. Obviously you want to be the former.
Every now and then, you’ll find yourself in need, and that’s ok. You just don’t want to make a habit of it. There’s nothing cooler than being able to say, “You need a beer? Grab one of the Red Racers in the fridge, those are mine”.
Robin Hood, Jesus and Napster were super cool because they shared everything. You should too.
Everybody should try this at least once in their life, it’s pretty awesome. This is how it should play out:
You buy a bouquet of flowers and just walk down the street with them. At some point, inevitably, an older lady is going to jokingly say, “Oh, are those for me?” You immediately respond with, “Oh, yeah, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. Here you go.” You hand them the flowers and you walk away. To that lady, you are now the coolest person in the world.
The best time of year to do this is around Valentine’s day because it’s a bit more sentimental for everyone. Be careful, though. This is when florists jack up the price of roses.
Your move, UFC. What’s your answer to this?
Bless you Europe. Everything about you seems exotic to us. Your fragrant wines, your crazy fashion, your outrageous accents.
The great thing about really getting into a European sport is that, if you really want to, you’ll never miss a game. The time difference allows you to get up at 4:30 am to watch the end of that Cycling race or to take in that Cricket tie.
You hear ridiculous expressions from play by play commentators like “That chap is a dibbly dobbler“, or “They’re at sixes and sevens at the back!”
Perhaps the single greatest benefit of really getting into a European sport is that it now allows you to wear colourful football scarves indoors and memorize fan chants like Dirty Northern Bastards and Posh Spice is a Slapper.
For this example, let’s call that stranger, Steven.
Steven is at a busy intersection in his ’92 Honda Accord, waiting to make a left hand turn. He sees his opening and presses on the gas only to feel his once trusty engine sputter and die at the worst possible moment.
Steven swears at the top of his lungs, for a moment almost drowning out the crescendo of angry horns from irate drivers all around him. He slams the car into neutral, opens his driver door, and laboriously tries to push and steer his car to the side of the road.
Suddenly, the car seems light! Steven turns around and sees you pushing on the back, easily helping to guide the Accord through the intersection and safely off to the curb. Gratefully, Steven turns back again only to see you give him one of your patented No Need to Thank Me waves as you disappear back into the hustle and bustle of the city.
Steven is left wondering, “Who was that, anyway? Where did they come from? Were they some kind of angel?”
The answers to those three questions are: 1) You, 2) just walking along the sidewalk, and… 3) Yes.
