168. Allow for a Buffer

Posted in stuff on August 20, 2014 by Allen

This is as much common courtesy as anything else, but, it’s disheartening how few people abide by the rule.

Really, it applies for everything: movie theatre seats, the bus, lineups. The more cramped you are, the harder it is to look cool. It’s all about perspective. You want to allow others a certain amount of distance so that they can properly take you in.

Remember, it’s the space in between where the magic really happens.

167. Make Something Out Of Wood

Posted in skills on January 6, 2014 by Allen

MC3_3497Making things with your hands is awesome.  Making things with your hands, with the help of dangerous power tools, is downright badass.

In contrast to building stuff out of metal or plastic, creating with wood gives off the impression of eco-friendliness.  It makes you feel closer to your pioneer ancestors, and no other material smells quite so great.

Your project already exists inside that log over there.  All you have to do is chip away at the wood to reveal it. free-small-woodworking-project-plans

166. Deep Fry a Turkey

Posted in skills, soirees on November 20, 2012 by Allen

The three pillars of cool are: Doing things effectively, doing things quickly, and doing things awesomely.  If you deep fry your turkey this year, you will touch upon these three pillars in dazzling fashion.

The deep frier has taken a lot of flak in recent years now that being unhealthy is no longer fashionable.  When you apply this technology to your turkey dinner, however, you not only create an eye-catching spectacle that the whole family can enjoy, but you also cut 6 hours off your cooking time, freeing you up to spend more time drinking beer and watching football.

165. Get your Camera Out In Time

Posted in skills on August 25, 2012 by Allen

Timing is the essence of cool and a great photograph is the essence of timing.  Nothing highlights your coolness quite like a perfectly timed photo.  Smartphones have made this easier but it still requires skill, patience, and a good old-fashioned knack for knowing when something awesome’s about to happen.

And do it gracefully.  There’s nothing worse than seeing someone madly fumble around with their SLR, nearly choke themselves with the strap, and then awkwardly fire off a shot with the lens cap on.  If you want to take quick shots like a boss you’ve got to know exactly how your spirit stealer works.  Familiarizer yourself with the interface, know precisely which pocket it’s in, do a couple of practice reps.  You want to be able to draw and shoot your camera with the cold-hearted efficiency of a gunslinger.

164. Rock a Walking Boot

Posted in style on August 14, 2012 by Allen

Remember how cool it was back in grade 3 when you broke your foot?  You’d get a rad cast that everybody could sign and draw pictures on. Sure, you’d get super itchy, you couldn’t do anything fun, and you had to shower with a garbage bag tied over your leg, but you always had a seat on the bus and you’d get crazy attention from girls.

Welcome to leg cast 2.0: The Mighty Walking Boot!!  You still get all kinds of sympathy but now your pimp walk is justified. They come in a fashionable range of colors, from microwave white to cyborg black

It’s Cool to be Awesome at Sports

Posted in sports, sweet videos on June 27, 2012 by Allen

And be humble about it.

163. Have a Novelty Photograph of Yourself

Posted in stuff on April 4, 2012 by Allen

If you carry around a novelty photograph of yourself, it means:

a) You are carefree, confident, and have a sense of humour, and b) You are dedicated enough to see a project through to it’s completion, regardless of how ridiculous it may seem.

Ask any woman to make a top ten list of things she looks for in a partner and, dollars to donuts, those traits will be on there.  Those aren’t, however, the coolest reason to orchestrate a novelty photograph.

You: “Hey, wanna see a cool picture?”

Your buddy: “Sure…… Ah, sweet, that’s awesome……wait, is that you??!!”

You: “Yup”

Your buddy: “Ha ha ha, that’s rad, I want one!!”

And there it is; sometimes it’s cool just to be envied.

162. Create a Playlist for Every New City You Visit

Posted in style on March 18, 2012 by Allen

Every city has it’s own unique rhythm and personality. Accordingly, before you visit, you should prepare a playlist that both compliments and enhances the visiting experience.

This is not to say that you should wander around with your headphones on the whole time, drowning out the city sounds.  Give yourself a day or two to soak in the local soundscape and become familiar with the traffic patterns. Once you’ve gotten a taste, it’s time to turn on your ipod and realize that you are in a movie, you are the hero, and this is your soundtrack.

PS: On a recent trip to London I spent a lot of time listening to the Miike Snow Album (Deluxe Edition). It was pretty rad.

161. Goggles Hangin’ from your Rearview Mirror

Posted in stuff on January 23, 2012 by Allen

Sporty, adventurous, prepared.  Whenever you come across a pair of ski goggles hangin’ from somebody’s rearview you can safely assume that:

a) This person goes up the mountain so often he doesn’t even have time to take his gear out of his car.

b) This guy anticipates driving in such blindingly bright and insanely snowy conditions that it would be dangerous for him not to have ski goggles on at all times.

Both of those scenarios are pretty cool.

160. Just Ride the Escalator, Man

Posted in statements on December 22, 2011 by Allen

Anytime you get on an escalator, you’ve got two choices:  either you lean to the side and just enjoy the ride or you frantically run up it like a spaz.  It’s pretty obvious which choice a cool person must make.

Granted, if you’re cool you’ve probably got places to be and appointments to keep.  Think of the escalator ride as your little oasis amid the madness of your day.  Bust a lean and reflect on all the cool things you’ve done today and all the cool things you’re about to do.  Catch your breath, read an ad on the wall, invent a backstory for the couple in front of you.

Look, if you madly sprint up or down the escalator, you’re going to get sweaty.  Cool people don’t sweat.

159. Spend All your Foreign Cash before Returning Home

Posted in skills on November 2, 2011 by Allen

Foreign money looks pretty but it’s pretty useless when it just sits around in your desk drawer back home.

It’s called the Cash Game and everyone plays it on the last day of their trip.  The object of the game, quite simply, is to spend every last baht before getting on the plane.  There are two ways to lose:  #1. Under-budgeting, forcing you to make one last stupid trip to the stupid ATM on the Khao San Road so you can afford the stupid cab fare to the airport and #2. Over-budgeting and shamefully having to visit the currency exchange kiosk and getting jammed on the rate.  Don’t let this happen to you.  Spend wisely.

* Remember to save enough coins in your money belt for at least ten minutes in one of those airport massage chairs.  You’ll be glad you did.

158. Slide Down Bannisters

Posted in style on October 16, 2011 by Allen

Going up the stairs is a chore but going down can be an adventure.  When choosing the best method to get down to the main floor, ask yourself these three questions:  Is it the fastest route?  Is it the most fun?  Is it the most dangerous?  If your answer is “yes” to all three of these questions, you know you’re doing the right thing.

Nothing screams youthful and carefree quite as succinctly as sliding down your mansion’s staircase bannister.  It’s like parkour for millionaires.

157. Know a Secret Shortcut

Posted in spaces on September 27, 2011 by Allen

Remember when you were a kid and you’d race your friend home from school?  Unless you knew at least two or three shortcuts along the way, you didn’t stand a chance.

It’s not just about getting places more quickly, it’s also about getting places more sneakily.  The true joy of the shortcut, however, comes from revealing it at the last possible second.  Whether you’re on a road trip with friends, competing in a gumball rally  across the country or running from ghosts in a haunted castle, you’re sure to be a hero when you suddenly yell out, “Guys, we’re going this way.  I know a shortcut!”

Look, people will tell you to, “Slow down. Life’s not a race, it’s a marathon.”  Those people don’t know any shortcuts.

156. Be on the Guest List

Posted in stuff on September 17, 2011 by Allen

If you’re on the guest list, it means one of two things: you’re friends with someone important or you’re important yourself.

Being on the guest list is awesome because the very act of checking that you’re  on the list is it’s own little emotional roller coaster.  Note how your heart leaps into your throat as the doorman flips the page over, back and forth, slowly scanning for your name…. Embrace the adrenaline rush of fear as you start to think that, “Maybe, this time, I’m not on there”.

Feel the explosion of victory as the doorman eventually does find your name and lets you in ahead of the line, confirming irrefutably that you are indeed a cool person and far more important than all those other peasants standing outside.

155. Succeed on Your First Try

Posted in skills, sweet videos on August 31, 2011 by Allen

You can do this in a myriad of ways, from landing your first job interview, to throwing a knockout punch, to acing a cross court serve.   Like everything in life, it’s not so much what you do as how you do it.  In the case of cool people, they do it in their first go!

Look, what it really comes down to is time management.  The fewer interviews you have to go to, the fewer shots you have to take, the fewer strokes you have to execute, the more time you’ll have to do cool things.  True, always succeeding on your first try can get a little annoying for your friends but nobody ever said that being cool didn’t come at a price.

Practice makes perfect, but wouldn’t it be better to just skip all that boring practice stuff and jump straight to the perfect?

I wrote this post partially as an excuse to upload this super rad disc golf video that my little brothers showed me.

154. Stage a Pocket Call

Posted in statements on August 17, 2011 by Allen

This little stunt is almost too perfect:

You take your phone, scroll through your contacts and choose your intended target.  For the purposes of this example, let’s call him Marco.  Ring him up, turn on some ambient background music and put your phone in a sock on the coffee table.  When you hear Marco on the line, that’s when it’s time to start weaving your spell.  Begin speaking out loud.

“I gotta introduce you to my friend Marco sometime.  That guy’s awesome, you’ll love him.  I do.  He’s hilarious…just a good dude, you know?  Actually, you know what the coolest thing about Marco is, is that he….”  CLICK.

That’s it.  Next time you need someone to help you move, Marco’s your man.

What’s truly cool about the staged pocket call is not only have you managed to manipulate your friend into liking you more, but, even if your friend does find out what you’ve done, even they’ll have to admit that it was a pretty cool little scheme.  Brilliant in it’s simplicity.

153. Nap Outside

Posted in style on August 8, 2011 by Allen

This is what hobos, backpackers and poolside celebrities have in common.

Napping outside is awesome because: The air you breath is fuller, the smells you take in are lusher, and the sounds that swirl around your ears are crazier and more varied than anything you can find inside.  All this leads to crazier dreams, ergo, a more satisfying sleeping experience.

Napping outside is cool because: By allowing yourself to loose consciousness outside, you are effectively declaring to strangers passing by that, “Hey, I know you’re NOT going to rob me,” you are stating to your friends that, “Hey, I’m certain that you guys AREN’T going to draw anything weird on my face or put shaving cream in my hand,” and you are affirming to the sun that, “Hey, I know damn well that you WON’T change positions and burn me while I sleep!”  It is the ultimate expression confidence and trust, and that’s pretty cool.

It’s Cool to Travel to Other Places

Posted in sweet videos on August 5, 2011 by Allen

Watching these reminds me that traveling is all I really ever want to spend my money on.  Cool videos made by Rick Mereki.

152. Smell Faintly of Suntan Lotion

Posted in style on July 25, 2011 by Allen

If I walk past you and I catch a whiff of suntan lotion, I will automatically assume the following:

You had the day off.  You’ve spent most of it outside.  You were probably at the beach.  You were surrounded all day by beautiful people frolicking in their bathing suits while gazing out towards a picturesque ocean horizon.  At some point, a bikini model (or fireman, depending on your preference) probably came up to you and asked if you’d join their volleyball team for the tournament that afternoon, they needed a fifth.  Inspired by their new player, your volleyball team thundered all the way to the final against the evil Lifeguards.  Everyone at the beach came over to watch and cheer as you gloriously dug, set and spiked your way to victory!!!  Giddy on the high of triumph, the bikini model/fireman asked if “Maybe you want to hang out some time?”.  You calmly said, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Suntan lotion: It’s the scent that tells the story.

It’s Cool to Keep It Real

Posted in sweet videos with tags , , on July 18, 2011 by Allen

Made by Fog and Smog.  Shown to me by Seamus.  Everyone’s seen this already, but it doesn’t make it any less rad.

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