Archive for May, 2009

15. Rock a Panama Hat

Posted in style on May 31, 2009 by Allen

041105vYou don’t have to be a  golfer on the Senior Tour or a cocaine baron to enjoy the cool of a Panama Hat.  Similar in style to the uber-trendy fedora, the panama hat isn’t nearly as overplayed and is considerably more practical.  Imagine yourself exploring Mayan ruins or taking in a cricket match while your hat’s ample brim protects your neck and ears from pesky sunburns.

It is the perfect complement to a billowing white linen shirt and a gin and tonic.  It’ll even make your Spanish sound more authentic.

14. Invent a Nemesis

Posted in stuff on May 29, 2009 by Allen


Without Apollo Creed, Rocky Balboa’s just a crude Italian American stereotype. Without the Ghosts, Pacman’s just a fortune cookie with eyes.  Without the United States, Cuba’s just a peaceful, rum and cigar loving Caribbean island.  

We are a culture that loves to cheer for the underdog.  That can be you.  The more powerful your nemesis, the more he tries to crush your spirits and keep you down, the more people will rally behind you.

(The great thing about an invented nemesis is that he doesn’t have to exist.  Your friends just have to think he exists.)

13. Spend your Last Buck at the Horse Track

Posted in soirees on May 25, 2009 by Allen

horse-racingIf you’re going broke, then go for broke.

Similar to Las Vegas, the horse track is 1 part family fun and 1 part utter desperation.  Even if you’re not destitute, it’s incredibly thrilling to rub shoulders with people whose fortunes are being won and lost by a nose.  Bask in the glory as Angelina Foal-ie turns your $10 bet into this months rent.  Shudder in horror as Glue Diamond Phillips breaks his leg and gets put down in front of everyone.

Get dressed up, box a superfecta and Let It Ride!

12. A Cooler with Speakers

Posted in stuff on May 23, 2009 by Allen

cooler-ipod-woodyRemember Spike Lee’s movie Do The Right Thing?  How cool would it have been if that big guy with the ghetto blaster suddenly took it off his shoulder and pulled a beer out of the tape deck?  Exactly!

11. Show people this video. Tell them it’s you

Posted in stuff, sweet videos on May 21, 2009 by Allen

This is cool, straightup cool.

10. Take your braids out BEFORE you get back from Mexico

Posted in style on May 21, 2009 by Allen

DSCF0534This is really more of a don’t then a do, but, what happens in Cancun should stay in Cancun.  You’re not on the playa anymore.  After you’ve been home for a week your tequila inspired hairstyle looks more like a headful of earthworms and bungee cords.

9. Get an Anchor Tattoo

Posted in statements on May 20, 2009 by Allen

2004_12_tattoos3Hmm, what to choose?  A tribal design?  Asian characters?  An arm-band?  Yaaarrrr.  Anchor tattoos are cool, especially if you’re like my grandfather when he was a kid and you gave one to yourself using a bottle of ink and a safety pin.  Popeye chic.

This little nautical design is awesome because it is the exact opposite to the very worst tattoo that I have ever seen in my life:  the Tasmanian Devil wearing a Calgary Flames jersey.

8. Host a night of Parlor Games

Posted in soirees on May 19, 2009 by Allen

charades-party-game-main_FullThis is old school Wii.  There are a bunch of great games you can play, from Charades to Celebrity to  Mafia.  The key is to try to create the most conflict between teams by exploiting the natural rivalries amongst your guests and dividing them accordingly:  Men vs. Women, Fathers vs. Sons, Atheists vs. Everybody Else.

Also, if you’re  the host, you need to wear a suit or a ball gown.  It’s cool to look better then your guests.

7. Own a Monkey Suit

Posted in stuff on May 18, 2009 by Allen

MonkeysBirthdays, weddings, bar mitvahs, baby showers, graduations, pub crawls, job interviews, divorce trials, sword fights, Presidential debates, jewel heists.

This is a short list of events that are cooler when you attend wearing your monkey suit.

6. Master One Karaoke Song

Posted in skills on May 17, 2009 by Allen

paul-rocks-outWe love it when somebody steps up to the karaoke mic and crushes one that we all know.  Instant Rock Star.  Make sure to play the crowd and at one point during the chorus turn the mic towards us so we can belt along with you.

Some options that are guaranteed to bring out the lighters:

5. Perfect your Jump Shot

Posted in sports on May 15, 2009 by Allen

US-ELECTIONS-OBAMABasketball is the most common “pickup” sport.  You’ll end up in a game by accident at least once or twice a year.

A good Jump Shot is the great equalizer.  It takes athletic ability out of the equation, allowing you to get your points without too much running and making your teammates want to feed you the rock.

My dad can still sometimes beat me at one on one because he knows how to  ‘stick a J’.

4. A Drink Holder for your Bike

Posted in stuff on May 15, 2009 by Allen

2808450829_bb9e4ed4c1This one is obvious. Drink holders should be as standard  as brakes. (note: You aren’t Lance Armstrong, water bottle holders don’t count.)

3. Tell a Kid a Joke

Posted in stuff on May 13, 2009 by Allen

pinoy kid laughingYour best joke. Not something dirty or cheesy. Kids are young, they don’t have many memories yet. They will never forget that cool adult who told them the best joke they ever heard. You will live on forever in playgrounds everywhere.

Think about it; when Johnny Carson was a kid, who was the first person to ever tell him a joke? Whoever they were, they were pretty damn cool.

2. Play in a Semi-Competitive Co-ed Slo-Pitch League

Posted in sports on May 13, 2009 by Allen
The Banana Hammocks

The Banana Hammocks

Co-worker “What’s that in your briefcase”?

You “Oh, these? It’s just my cleats and mitt. I’ve got a big game against Bats’Balls’nBags tonight”.

Seriously. It’s the best way to get sunstroked. Twice last year my team put a slip-n-slide down between 3rd and home and we played in our bathing suits.

1. Learn To Longboard!

Posted in skills on May 13, 2009 by Allen

longboard Longboarding is super fun, easy to learn, quick, efficient and cheaper then your car. If you’re a chick, it makes you look hot. If you’re a dude, it gives you a moderate amount of street-cred. Except with skateboarders. But that’s just “board envy”.

%d bloggers like this: