Archive for May, 2009

15. Rock a Panama Hat

Posted in style on May 31, 2009 by Allen

041105vYou don’t have to be a  golfer on the Senior Tour or a cocaine baron to enjoy the cool of a Panama Hat.  Similar in style to the uber-trendy fedora, the panama hat isn’t nearly as overplayed and is considerably more practical.  Imagine yourself exploring Mayan ruins or taking in a cricket match while your hat’s ample brim protects your neck and ears from pesky sunburns.

It is the perfect complement to a billowing white linen shirt and a gin and tonic.  It’ll even make your Spanish sound more authentic.

14. Invent a Nemesis

Posted in stuff on May 29, 2009 by Allen

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Without Apollo Creed, Rocky Balboa’s just a crude Italian American stereotype. Without the Ghosts, Pacman’s just a fortune cookie with eyes.  Without the United States, Cuba’s just a peaceful, rum and cigar loving Caribbean island.  

We are a culture that loves to cheer for the underdog.  That can be you.  The more powerful your nemesis, the more he tries to crush your spirits and keep you down, the more people will rally behind you.

(The great thing about an invented nemesis is that he doesn’t have to exist.  Your friends just have to think he exists.)

13. Spend your Last Buck at the Horse Track

Posted in soirees on May 25, 2009 by Allen

horse-racingIf you’re going broke, then go for broke.

Similar to Las Vegas, the horse track is 1 part family fun and 1 part utter desperation.  Even if you’re not destitute, it’s incredibly thrilling to rub shoulders with people whose fortunes are being won and lost by a nose.  Bask in the glory as Angelina Foal-ie turns your $10 bet into this months rent.  Shudder in horror as Glue Diamond Phillips breaks his leg and gets put down in front of everyone.

Get dressed up, box a superfecta and Let It Ride!

12. A Cooler with Speakers

Posted in stuff on May 23, 2009 by Allen

cooler-ipod-woodyRemember Spike Lee’s movie Do The Right Thing?  How cool would it have been if that big guy with the ghetto blaster suddenly took it off his shoulder and pulled a beer out of the tape deck?  Exactly!

11. Show people this video. Tell them it’s you

Posted in stuff, sweet videos on May 21, 2009 by Allen

This is cool, straightup cool.

10. Take your braids out BEFORE you get back from Mexico

Posted in style on May 21, 2009 by Allen

DSCF0534This is really more of a don’t then a do, but, what happens in Cancun should stay in Cancun.  You’re not on the playa anymore.  After you’ve been home for a week your tequila inspired hairstyle looks more like a headful of earthworms and bungee cords.

9. Get an Anchor Tattoo

Posted in statements on May 20, 2009 by Allen

2004_12_tattoos3Hmm, what to choose?  A tribal design?  Asian characters?  An arm-band?  Yaaarrrr.  Anchor tattoos are cool, especially if you’re like my grandfather when he was a kid and you gave one to yourself using a bottle of ink and a safety pin.  Popeye chic.

This little nautical design is awesome because it is the exact opposite to the very worst tattoo that I have ever seen in my life:  the Tasmanian Devil wearing a Calgary Flames jersey.

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