Archive for July, 2009

36. Dance with the Flower Girl

Posted in soirees on July 30, 2009 by Allen

DancingwiththeflowergirlHow can you watch that and not smile?  Too easy.

Make sure you’re the first person to do this.  Others will try to dance with her afterwards, but they’re just biters.

And for God’s sake, get to her early in the evening.  The last thing you want is to lose your opportunity because the reception has gone on past her bedtime.  Unless her mom has allowed her to eat copious amounts of cake, she could very well fall asleep on you before the dancing starts.

35. Wear your shirt “Sweating Bullets” style

Posted in style on July 25, 2009 by Allen

nik-sloter-vSweating Bullets (aka. Tropical Heat) was a sweet Canadian tv series from the early 90’s (very popular in Serbia, apparently).  This dude, Nick Slaughter, always wore his shirts unbuttoned, open,  flowin’ and free.  The quintessential tropical cool.

It doesn’t matter what body type you have, nothing says “It’s my Saturday too” like giving your shirt the ole neck to navel highway.

These are the two funniest videos I’ve seen this week

Posted in stuff, sweet videos on July 25, 2009 by Allen

George Brett, for those who don’t know, was one of the greatest baseball players of the 80’s.

[http://www.theunticket.com/george-brett-shits-himself-story/]

Why won’t this woman’s friends help her?

34. Take in a Minor League Baseball Game

Posted in soirees on July 23, 2009 by Allen

QuakesIt’s like the beach.  You get to spend hours in the sun drinking beer surrounded hundreds of people wearing next to nothing.

The team names in are hilarious: The Tri-City Dust Devils, The Toledo Mud Hens, The Albuquerque Isotopes, The Newburyport Clamdiggers, The Saginaw-Bay City Hyphens.

But here’s the best part.  Heckling.  You’re sitting so close that you know the players can hear you and half of them are still teenagers so you know that what you say affects them.  You have the power to influence the outcome of the game!!

For around $10 a ticket, that’s great value for your buck.

33. Master One Magic Trick

Posted in skills on July 20, 2009 by Allen

252-mainYou only need one.

No complicated props.  At most a coin or a deck of cards.  It’s especially cool if you can gracefully slide into it without anyone realizing what you’re about to do.  You get the maximum “Wow” effect that way.

We all want to believe.

32. Practice your Instrument in the Park

Posted in skills on July 14, 2009 by Allen

434506664_2812cf3880(Only if you’re good)

You’ve just got so much music inside you you have to share it with the world!! 

We love spontaneous live music, it becomes the soundtrack to our day.  We will stop and listen.  Let us.  Basque in our applause and admiration.  Take the odd request.

Whatever you do, resist the temptation to put your instrument case down in front of you.  The last thing we want is some busker suddenly guilting us out of $5.  Not cool.

31. Go “On the Dole” for the Summer

Posted in stuff on July 12, 2009 by Allen

inthepoolThe only thing better then having a job and making money is not having a job and making money.  The summer is easily the best time to do this.

We’ve all got that one friend who we can call up at noon on a tuesday to do something and know that they’ll be free.  We love that friend.  You can be that friend.

Spend July and August writing a novel, taking a cooking class or spray-painting train cars.

The point is, if your country provides some sort of unemployment insurance and you’re in a position to be able to take advantage of it, you owe it to yourself to do so.  It’s only temporary and you’ll be the envy of your friends.

Don’t think of yourself as unemployed.  Think of yourself as sunemployed.


30. Make-Out in Public

Posted in statements on July 9, 2009 by Allen

kiss “Why don’t you two go get a room?  Nobody wants to see that!”  Wrong.  Actually, we kinda do.

In order to be involved in a public suck-face session you have to: a) Have someone who really digs you, b) Be super confident and c) not give a damn what anybody thinks.

These are all character traits that are universally regarded as COOL.

Plus, we can’t help looking.  It’s like free public porn.

29. Take the Sticker OFF your Cap

Posted in style on July 7, 2009 by Allen

in4mation-newera-fitted-baseball-cap-59fifty-summer09-2It’s time.

The point where  trend becomes  fad is the exact point where cool becomes mainstream.  It’s the “%5 of the Population Ratio“.  We are getting dangerously close to that threshold.

Sorry Hip-Hop stars.  You’re  victims of your own coolness.

(note: Keep one sticker-clad hat in your closet for that “old-school” look.)

28. Drive a “Boat”

Posted in stuff on July 5, 2009 by Allen

monte_carlo_carIf being ecologically friendly is cool (which it is), how can it be that being the opposite of ecologically friendly, like driving a massive car from the 70’s or 80’s is also cool?  Ah, the mysteries of life.

Terrible on gas and impossible to parallel park.  The iron beast with the exotic name: Impala, Cordoba, Grand Marquis.  You can usually find one for pretty cheap in the Buy and Sell or from your grandpa.

Offer  your friend a ride and watch the huge smile crease his face as you walk through the parking lot towards your Monte Carlo .  Secretly we all want to feel like we’re in a 70’s cop show when we drive.

27. Show Off your 2nd Language

Posted in skills on July 2, 2009 by Allen

6a01053633ca5f970c01156f515b07970c-800wiIf you’re European, you know 6 languages so this doesn’t really impress you, but in North America we go nuts for crazy exotic things like “languages”.  Anything that isn’t English is witchcraft as far as we can tell.

If you speak Italian, take some friends to an Italian restaurant and order for everybody.  Coolest person at the table.

Easier still, if you’re walking down the street with a friend, pretend to get a phone call and then start blah blah yickity yacking for 30 seconds or so in that foreign tongue of yours.  Your friend will be giddy from having no idea what’s going on, but they’ll be reminded of one thing:  Que toi, t’es vraiment super cool!

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