Archive for January, 2010

84. Make a Paper Airplane that Soars!

Posted in skills on January 29, 2010 by Allen

Understand this:  I’m not knocking origami.  Beautifully crafted miniature animals created out of fine decorative paper.  Pretty little things for your coffee table or bookshelf.  An incredible display of form.

If you’re looking for the true triumph of both form and function, however, nothing beats the paper airplane!  With it’s graceful flight and streamlined design, a well made “Foolscap Flyer” is a marvel to behold.

It defies all logic.  A sheet of paper simply should not be able fly like that, and yet, with enough practice and just the precise number of folds, your plane can make a mockery of this petty thing called gravity.  After witnessing it dare to soar to such fantastic heights, your friends will all clamor, “Hey, let me have a try?!”

And remember, before there was e-mail, MSN, texting, facebook, or twitter, the only way you could get a message to your friend across the classroom was with a well thrown paper airplane.

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83. Play the “Guess Who’s from Europe” Game

Posted in soirees, sports on January 25, 2010 by Allen

This game is played exactly how it sounds.  Whenever you’re at a bar,  restaurant, art show, rave, topless beach or any other public place, you simply try to guess who’s from Europe.

Here’s one clue that never fails:  Look at their jeans.  Sometimes they’ll look way better, sometimes they’ll look way worse, but they’ll always look slightly out of place.  Notice how the waistband sags differently, how the leg tappers in a dissimilar way, how the flare, wash and rise somehow feels unlike anything you’ve ever seen on your friends.

Keep a running score with your friends for the night.  To verify, ask your subject a question about wine or bicycles and listen for the accent.

P.S.:  When played in Europe the game is called “Guess Who’s from North America”.  Exact same rules and clues apply.  The verifying question should be about UFC or action movies, however.

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Hold your Breath

Posted in sweet videos on January 21, 2010 by Allen

This dude is cool.

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82. Listen to Records

Posted in stuff on January 19, 2010 by Allen

There is a distinct difference in the kind of sound you get from a record.  Whether you feel that sound is of a richer or fuller quality is unimportant.  What is important is that in the very act of pulling a record out of it’s sleeve, sliding it onto the table and gently placing the needle into the grooves you are demonstrating a respect and appreciation for the history of music that can only be described as cool.

What sets record listening apart is the beautiful way that the experience ends.  When a concert’s done, they just turn the house lights on.  When a cassette tape finishes, there’s an abrupt click.  When your CD or MP3 playlist is over, there’s just silence.  But, if your player is old enough, after a record has finished all it’s music, you get to hear that elegant and subtle, rhythmically repeating crackle and thud, crackle and thud, crackle and thud that gently reminds you it’s time to turn it over.   Quite possibly the most peaceful sound in the world.

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81. Do a “Hero Run” on your Snowboard

Posted in sports on January 16, 2010 by Allen

Imagine this:  You’ve been boarding in a snow storm all day.  You’ve just finished a hot chocolate with your friends at the mid-mountain station when all of a sudden the skies clear, the sun starts blazing through and you notice that the chair to the peak is about to open.  Somehow you manage to be the first ones on.

Now you stand at the summit gazing upon the most beautiful, white cotton candy run of virgin champagne powder you’ve ever seen.  You turn on your ipod and bomb a hero run , laying down the first tracks of the day and living the kind of adrenaline fueled religious experience usually felt only by prophets, pop stars and heroine junkies.  Sweet.

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80. Point at your “Junk” when you go through the Full-Body Scanner at the Airport

Posted in statements on January 14, 2010 by Allen

The next level of security is about to hit Canadian airports and word is these full-body scanners leave nothing to the imagination.

Putting aside the moral debate of whether or not some random security guard has the right to see every man, woman and child who walks through their check-point completely nude, it’s important to realize that when going through the scanner you should point towards your crotch for these three reasons:

1)  This has gotta be uncomfortable for the guard as well.  By “pointing out” the awkwardness of the situation you are making everyone just a little bit less tense.

2)  It’s a friendly reminder of how sterile these x-ray machines are surely making you.

3) The guard can see everything.  Might as well flaunt it.

P.S.:  Supposedly, if you feel this is too invasive, you can choose to get a “pat down” instead.  I think you should get to do both.  Isn’t that the usual order of things?  See someone naked, then feel them up.

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79. Driving Gloves

Posted in style on January 10, 2010 by Allen

Speed, control, action, power.  These are the words that float through your friend’s mind as he watches you slip your driving gloves over your hands and slide behind the wheel of your car.  You may only be going down the road to pick up some sandwiches, but clearly you mean business.

Made famous by Formula 1 racers and Action Movie Stars, driving gloves are the ultimate automobile accessory.   With their sleek yet sturdy design, they are as cool as they are functional.  The trick is to always wear them when you drive and to never address the fact that you are wearing them.  Putting them on should become as habitual as checking your mirrors.

So whether you’re Steve McQueen, Speed Racer or Judd Nelson in the Breakfast Club, driving gloves give you a whole different kind of cool.  Much like sunglasses, headbands and wallet chains, you don’t actually need to wear them, but you look more badass when you do.

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What!!?? The Youtube title says it all. How can you not watch this?

Posted in sweet videos on January 8, 2010 by Allen

Listen to the reactions of the people recording the video.  That’s the best part.

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78. Agree to Take a Photo for a Stranger

Posted in skills on January 6, 2010 by Allen

You know the story.  You’re walking along, minding your own business when suddenly a tourist asks you to take a photo of them in front of a steam-clock or something.  They’ve picked you out of the crowd for being trustworthy enough not to run off with their camera so you’re now faced with a big responsibility, and a perfect opportunity for cool.  Remember these 3 rules:

1) Know something about digital cameras.  Nothing undercuts your cool like uttering the phrase, “Where’s the zoom on this thing?” or “Is the flash on?”

2) Know something about photography.  This means you have some sense of framing and lighting.  Create for them a better photo then they could have taken themselves, and, most importantly…

3) Know something about people.  The only thing people care about in their photos is that they themselves look good.  Mentally rate your subject.  If they are a 6 in real life then they damn well better be at least a 6 in the picture.  If not, that’s when you utter the phrase, “One more for safety”.  Now, if you can make a 6 look like and 8, you’re not just playing cool, you’re playing God.

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77. Hold Your Own at Darts

Posted in sports on January 2, 2010 by Allen

From pool to pin-ball to pull-tabs, it is important to have at least some skill in the “pub sports”.  No game, however, is more elegant, graceful and deadly than the game of darts.

A magnificent combination of precise accuracy and cold execution, the truly great dart players have a form that is repeatable and a confidence that is unwavering.  It is a competition of marksmanship that conjures images of wild-west shootouts or Robin Hoodesque archery tournaments.  This easily makes darts the most crowd-pleasing and therefore coolest of all the tavern activities.

Interesting variations to add to the game include the Long-Distance Lob and the Left-Handed Huck.  Incorporating these styles into your darts game will result in both an increase in danger and an increase in fun.  Not surprisingly, it’s often an increase in drinking that precipitates this.

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