Archive for February, 2010

87. Lose your Mind Cheering for your Country at the Olympics

Posted in sports, statements on February 10, 2010 by Allen

I live in Vancouver.  In 2 days my city is going to become a zoo, and I couldn’t be more stoked.

There are plenty of reasons to be anti-Olympics and some of them are very convincing, but here’s why the Olympics are sweet:  It brings out legitimate national pride.

Last week I saw this guy on the subway fully decked out in Russia gear: hat, jacket, track pants and shoes!  He wasn’t an athlete or media.  He was just some dude from Russia who’s come here to represent.  There are people like this guy all over the city basically wearing their country’s flag as clothing.  Patriotism, when applied to sports, is awesome.

And that’s the beautiful thing about the Olympics.  There’s no confusion about who you’re cheering for, no stupid jumping on the NY Yankees/Dallas Cowboys/Manchester United bandwagon.  Your team is where you were born.  It’s whoever your passport tells you to cheer for.  You are your team and if your team loses, you lose, but if they win…….national holiday!

P.S. I have tickets to see the Canada vs. Switzerland hockey game.  I will be wearing a full body Canada tracksuit, a Rick Nash jersey, Canada mittens and some weird hat with horns.  I haven’t decided if I should paint my face yet or just get a maple leaf tattooed on my forehead.

Look, I love Switzerland but, for 2 hours on Feb 18th, they’re going to be nothing more to me then a bunch of chocolate loving, watch fixing, bank account managing pansies.  I can barely type because my hands are trembling in excitementttttttttt!!!!!!!!

86. Trash Talk your Friends

Posted in statements on February 6, 2010 by Allen

The whole point of talking trash with your friends is to make life more fun and, we can all agree, those who make life more fun are invariably cool.  Here’s how it works:

Whenever you find yourself in a genial competitive situation with one of your chums, start jawin’.  What you’re effectively doing is raising the stakes of the situation making it more important for both parties involved.  It’s friendly gambling.  Your currency is pride.  When both of you have a vested interest in the outcome, the glory for the winner is that much sweeter and bitterness of defeat is that much less palatable.

Here’s the key:  You have to lose half the time.  Your friends will get enormous pleasure out of making you eat your words and you’ll smile to yourself, knowing you orchestrated the whole thing, giving them this shinning moment of triumph and turning your friendship into a thrilling, edge of your seat dual that stokes your respective competitive spirits while teaching you both valuable lessons in sportsmanship and humility.

Yo Mama!

Cool Tools and Poetry by Edgar Allen Tiberius Kirk

Posted in sweet videos on February 3, 2010 by Allen

My buddy Millar put me onto this first one.  I don’t know if it’s an ad or not but it definitely makes me want to buy a tape measure.

Whenever I think of Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven, I always think of that Simpson’s Halloween Special.  Not anymore.  Now I’ll only think of Shatner.  This guy is, and always will be, some kind of magical powerhouse.  He’s a sledgehammer wrapped inside a sunset.

85. Throw a Party that has a “Second Wave”

Posted in soirees on February 1, 2010 by Allen

Consider this from the perspective of a guest: you’ve had a great time,  some great conversations, met some cool new people, but now you’re starting to feel a bit tired and you’re thinking of going home.  As you go to grab your jacket there is a knock on the door and a whole new group of people arrives.  This new group is fun, energetic and looking to rip it up.

Then another group arrives, and another.  Maybe you have some friends amidst this second wave, maybe you don’t, but before you realize it it’s three hours later and you’re far drunker then you had planned on getting tonight.

Conclusion:  Best party you’ve been to in months and, of course, the success of the party is reflected upon it’s host.  The only problem now is that your hoarse throat and slurred words make it difficult to communicate with the taxi driver.

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