107. Look Comfortable Holding a Baby

It’s going to happen.  You just need to be prepared for it.  At some point this year you’ll end up visiting family or friends who’ve just had a baby.  Invariably you’ll be asked if you want to hold the baby.  Everyone in the room will be so excited and proud so obviously you can’t say no.

A baby is a little bit like a pillow case full of quarters.  The weight distribution is all skewed and unpredictable.  Also, babies are super lazy, they won’t help you out at all.  If in doubt, support the head and the bum (the two most likely weight deposit areas).

And now the moment of truth.  Once in your arms, the baby will do one of two things.  It will either laugh, or it will cry.  If it cries it means you aren’t funny enough, but, if it laughs and you look even remotely comfortable holding it: Gateway to Cool Country.

P.S. Don’t let the baby get too comfortable or it will poop.  Nothing’s worse then feeling that low gurgling rumble against your forearm.  As far as accessories go, Stinky Baby is less cool than Happy Baby.

Advertisements

One Response to “107. Look Comfortable Holding a Baby”

  1. I LEIK TURTLES

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: