109. Politely Avoid Street-Side Solicitors

You know that sinking feeling.  You’re walking down the street, you’re probably late for something, you look up and there they are.

It sucks because you know they’re there for a good reason.  You really should get involved in their cause.  You feel like you ought to at least hear what they have to say.  The problem is that never before has your time felt so limited and valuable.

Your eyes dart across the street, “Maybe if I just cross over to the other side now it won’t look like I’m trying to avoid them.”  But of course, there’s canvassers over there too.  They have created a drift net of social responsibility, and you’re trapped like a dolphin.

So what do you do?  Telling them you don’t have time right now will only make you feel more guilty.  They know you’re lying.

Here are three options to try, use whichever seems most appropriate at the time.

1) Take out your phone and pretend to be in a deep conversation (imagine you’re breaking up with someone)

2) Pretend to suddenly see someone you recognize from years ago further down the street, raise your hand to wave at them, yell out “Hey, Marlene!” and rush right past them.

3) Fake a sneeze attack right into your bare palms and make it seem like you’ve now got snot on your hands.  They won’t approach you now, nobody wants to be near a sick person.

Problem solved.

4 Responses to “109. Politely Avoid Street-Side Solicitors”

  1. Other options:

    Less polite: Stare them down. If that doesn’t work, try and recruit them for your socially-irresponsible cause (Dolphin riding, anger mismanagement, MMA Fighting awareness).

    More polite: give them a hug, say, “Your work is important, but I’m off to solve a mystery!” Then run up the street. It will give them something to talk about on their break.

  2. Or run buy, grab their cell phone and yell into it – ” Mr Wizard, get me the hell out of here!”. Works like a charm.

  3. I wouldnt avoid that greepeace chick

  4. see here for the top wood clocks around

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