Archive for the stuff Category

142. Help Push a Stranger’s Car

Posted in stuff on February 19, 2011 by Allen

For this example, let’s call that stranger, Steven.

Steven is at a busy intersection in his ’92 Honda Accord, waiting to make a left hand turn.  He sees his opening and presses on the gas only to feel his once trusty engine sputter and die at the worst possible moment.

Steven swears at the top of his lungs, for a moment almost drowning out the crescendo of angry horns from irate drivers all around him.  He slams the car into neutral, opens his driver door, and laboriously tries to push and steer his car to the side of the road.

Suddenly, the car seems light!  Steven turns around and sees you pushing on the back, easily helping to guide the Accord through the intersection and safely off to the curb.  Gratefully, Steven turns back again only to see you give him one of your patented No Need to Thank Me waves as you disappear back into the hustle and bustle of the city.

Steven is left wondering, “Who was that, anyway?  Where did they come from?  Were they some kind of angel?”

The answers to those three questions are:  1) You,  2)  just walking along the sidewalk, and…  3) Yes.


141. Make Up a Backstory for your Neighbours

Posted in stuff on February 7, 2011 by Allen

This is not so much a “cool” thing to do as it is a “fun” thing to do.  Cool people do fun things, however, so it counts.

Currently I have a neighbour living downstairs who is a hit-man for the mob, the guy at my local coffee shop is a world famous house DJ and the woman across the street is a member of the Swazi Royal Family now living in exile.

Sadly, I recently discovered that the mob hit-man is actually a Youth and Family Worker at a local elementary school.  This brings up an important rule: under NO circumstances should you allow yourself to find out what these people really do.  Once the illusion is shattered, you can never get it back.

136. “Cut One” Privately

Posted in stuff on December 9, 2010 by Allen

This one sort of sucks because, if you do it properly, nobody will actually know you’ve done it.  But that’s sorta the point.

Look, the Cool are judged just as much for what they don’t do as for what they do.  Without getting too “medical” here, just remember that the next time you’re hanging out with your friends and you feel a bit of gaseous pressure building up, go for a little walk into the kitchen where you can safely let nature run it’s course.  Hell, while you’re there, offer to grab someone a drink.  You’ve just doubled your cool.

There really is no classier way to fart.

130. Cheat Death

Posted in stuff on September 26, 2010 by Allen

Whether your van skids over the edge of a snowy mountain cliff (happened to me), you are briefly kidnapped whilst hitchhiking (happened to my mom)  or you’re chased by a grizzly bear across a meadow while tree planting (happened to my old roommate),  tales of cheating death are always the most compelling and therefore, the most cool.

These events shape us not only because they  give us awesome stories to drop at parties, but also because they provide us with a sort of  transcendent religious experience coupled with a super badass adrenaline rush.

There is nothing more exhilarating then staring death square in the face and saying, “No thanks, not today!”

123. Discover the “Album of the Summer”

Posted in stuff on August 7, 2010 by Allen

We’re at the summer midpoint and by now everyone should have a pretty good playlist of bumpin’ summertime beats.  Having at least one kickass summer album is important because it sonically epitomizes the blissfulness of the season.  It is the Soundtrack to the Sunshine.

What makes this particularly cool is, if after you discover the album, that you share it with your friends.  The gift of music and good-times, a fine gift indeed.  There is no greater feeling then having your buddy roll up to your apartment on his bike, blasting the very music you gave him only the day before out of some crazy speaker contraption he’s set up on his handle bars.

P.S.: In my opinion, the Album of the Summer of 2010 is easily Mos Dub.  I have been playing this non-stop ever since finding it on the London Mewsings blog.  Music to strut to.

120. Have a Dog

Posted in stuff on July 20, 2010 by Allen

Dogs are so sweet.  Loyalty, security and playfulness, all wrapped up in a slobbering bag of fur.

The benefits of owning a dog are countless.  They’re an easy way to meet people, they prove that you can tend to living things, and they take care of any food you spill on the ground.

Small dogs can be cute but big dogs are the raddest.  The general rule of thumb is: The bigger the poop, the cooler the dog.

My cousin and her boyfriend rescued a mangy dog on the beach in Mexico.  He had a limp and only responded to Spanish commands.  They decided to keep him.  Whilst driving back into the States, my cousin’s boyfriend was denied entry (he’s Australian with an Irish passport and a big black beard.  I wouldn’t turn my back on him either) but the dog was fine.  Why?  Because dogs are awesome, that’s why!

119. (for women) Smoke a Pipe

Posted in stuff on July 17, 2010 by Allen

Smoking is kind of gross, however, smoking a pipe is kind of awesome.  If you’re a hot chick smoking a pipe, well that’s just straight up badass.

No longer solely the domain of 1950’s sitcom dads or eccentric Victorian Era detectives, pipe smoking has gone through a bit of a revival of late.  It’s classy, composed, and civilized.  When’s it’s smoked by a woman, it goes way beyond “hipster” and into a whole new realm of rad.

Sure, it’s a more involved process, but that sacred ritual of preparing to smoke, crescendoing in the mighty striking of the match, is one part function, one part spectacle and all parts cool.

The Game is Afoot!!!

%d bloggers like this: